Should Never Have Run Away
by MiLoV
Summary: COMPLETE!LIT!-Rating is a precaution
1. Default Chapter

(A/N- this takes place after the season 3 finale. Jess didn't go straight to California. He actually went back to New York for 6 months and then finally got up the courage to go see his father in California. It is now christmas and Jess is off and decides to fly back to Stars Hollow for Christmas and face Luke, Rory, and the rest of the town. And that's sort of where this story begins oh! And Rory has been at Yale for 4 months.)  
  
Part 1: The Phone Call  
  
"LUCAS!!"  
  
"Hey Lorelai."  
  
"Hey Luke." They smiled at one another as Lorelai took her normal seat at the counter. Ever since Rory had gone to Yale she would always sit at the same place at the counter. Right in front of the coffee pot and the phone. Luke as usual got Lorelai her coffee. "So why is the diner so deserted this morning?"  
  
"I dunno...we have our busy days and we have our slow days.....this would be a slow day. So have you heard from Rory recently?"  
  
"Yeah! We just talked last night actually. I call her every Monday and Thursday and she calls me on Wednesdays."  
  
"Oh so you guys made out a schedual?"  
  
"Nope. It just turns out that way."  
  
"Of course." The phone rings. "Hold on." People start to crowd into the diner. Of course it's when Luke takes the phone call. Lorelai can only hear one side of the conversation....and it's annoying the crap out of her! She's so nosy. "Hello?........oh. What do you want..........what?" His voice was shaking. Lorelai had never seen this from Luke....there was something wrong. "I.......uhhh.....................yeah.........I'll call her...ya no problem........i'll see what I can do......ok......yeah...bye." He hung up the phone and stared down at the floor in complete shock.  
  
"Luke? Hey Lucas! LUKEY!" He slowly turned his stunned gaze towards her. "Hey what's wrong?" Tears were forming slowly in his eyes as she spoke. "Jeez Luke what's goin on!" He stared at her not sure what to say. He motioned for her to follow him upstairs.  
  
APARTMENT  
  
Luke sat down on Jess's old bed with his head in his hands, tears slowly falling to the floor, he looked up into Lorelai's eyes and spoke finally. "I need to talk to you." 


	2. Gone

RING RING RING RING RING  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hey babe"  
  
"Mom! Hey!! How are you?"  
  
"I'm good...I'm good...."  
  
"Mom....are you ok? It's Friday...morning. It's Friday morning and you are calling me. First off you never call me on Friday's because i'll be home tonight and this time i'll be staying for 2 weeks! Mom...mom are ya there?"  
  
"Oh yeah hun I'm here." Her voice was sad and desperate. She didn't want to tell Rory what needed to be said, but she knew she had to. "Sweets....I have to tell you something."  
  
"What is it mom?"  
  
"Ok...look.....I know that this is going to be...hard for you."  
  
"Mom what's going on."  
  
"Yesterday....Luke got a call in the diner....while I was there in the...diner....and-"  
  
"Ok mom get to the point."  
  
"Right.....the point....uhhh...."  
  
"Here I'll make it a little bit easier for you. Who was on the phone?"  
  
"Oh um Luke was."  
  
"Mom!" Lorelai sighed.  
  
"Jimmy."  
  
"Uh ok...who's Jimmy?"  
  
"Jimmy is.....Jess's father."  
  
"Ok." Rory smiled at the sound of Jess's name. "So why did he call?"  
  
"He umm...." Lorelai started to get choked up.... "He called to tell Luke that....that Jess was flying over from California to spend Christmas with him........." Rory's smile widened. "And while....while he was on the plane........" Rory sensed the worry in her mother's very shaky voice.  
  
"Mom?"  
  
"There was an accident Rory...."  
  
"Wha...what do you mean an....an accident.....?" Lorelai was crying now. And Rory was on the verge of it.  
  
"he's gone Rory....." Rory fainted at the sound of these words dropping the phone to the floor. "Rory!! RORY! Are you there! RORY!!!" 


	3. Memories and Funerals

Rory laid on her bed and looked out the window. Small wet droplets were falling gently on the glass. She stared back up at the ceiling. Her thoughts suddenly faded to Jess. "Christmas bites." Rory said to no one. She slowly placed one foot on the floor hoping this day would come a lot later rather than sooner. She walked over to her dresser and rumaged through it trying to find everything she would need for the day.  
  
About one hour later she was ready to go. She looked at the clock and it read in bright red numbers: 6:30. One more hour.....one more hour until she would never gaze upon Jess's face again. She would never see his messy hair again....or his beautiful brown eyes....or the way he looked at her....."ok stop! Your just depressing yourself! He left you! You shouldn't be sad.....you can't be sad......you won't be sad....."  
  
BURIAL SITE (in Stars Hollow)  
  
Everyone in Stars Hollow came, even Dean and Lindsay. The only person that didn't show up.....was Lizzy, Jess's mother. Rory stood off in the distance much like Idgy Threadgood did when Buddy died in Fried Green Tomatoes. Lorelai and Luke's hearts went out to her. She missed Jess so much and then to hear that she would never see him again was just too much for her to bear.  
  
It wasn't snowing....it was pouring rain. Everyone was trying to keep themselves from getting drenched by holding huge black umbrella's over themselves. Rory however paid no heed to the rain. She only stared the crowd of retreating people at the end of the ceremony. After everyone was gone, even Luke and Lorelai, who knew she wanted to say her last goodbye's to Jess., Rory walked up to the wet silver empty casket. She just stared at it for a moment then looked up into the sky and spoke, letting her tears mix in with the rain. "Well....you left me again.....without a goodbye....but I guess I can't really get mad at you for this one...." She had trouble speaking this last line because not only was it difficult to say but it was the hard to admit it to herself. "I....I loved you Jess...gosh I still love you....even though you left me.....I love you Jess....and I will never forget you." She looked longingly at the casket and then looked into the sky hoping to catch a glimpse of his face.....but she knew she would never ever see him again.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Today was Christmas. Today was suppose to be the happiest day of the year....but for Rory Gilmore and Luke Danes, today was possibly the sadest day of their lives. Lorelai had invited Luke over for Christmas which helped him a lot. And Rory was holding up.....well.....at least that's what she lead everyone to belive. Realistically-she was broken. Her heart was broken into a million different tiny little pieces that could never be mended back together. She walked into the living room in her robe and saw Luke and her mother sitting on the couch drinking coffee. After sitting there for awhile they decided to open presents.  
  
Once they were done Lorelai and Luke cleaned up the wrapping paper. Rory had found herself looking out the window quite often lately waiting and hoping to catch that special glimpse of her angel, Jess. But she wouldn't see him. Rory stared up at the sky watching the snow come down. *how could it snow? It's not suppose to snow on sad days....*  
  
Where are you christmas  
  
Why can't I find you  
  
Why have you gone away.  
  
Where is the laughter you used to bring me.  
  
Why can't I hear music play.  
  
My world is changing  
  
And I'm rearranging  
  
Does that mean christmas changes too.  
  
(A/N- ok sort of going into 'episode' mode here. The camera is looking at Rory from outside the window and then slowly it turns to look at the sky. But then it pans back to her and it is now 5 years later I know confusing...but c'mon! Work with me people!)  
  
"RORY!!! Let's go!" Her mother's thought's suddenly broke Rory from her train of thought....what was she thinking about again....oh yeah.....Jess.....it figures.....  
  
"Comming!" She ran to the door, threw on her jacket and ran out to the car where her mother, her new step-father Luke, and her 3 year old half-sister was waiting. Rory of course was starring out the window the whole way to this Christmas party that her grandfather's business was throwing this year (and all the families were allowed to bring their families and friends.)  
  
Where are you christmas  
  
Do you remember  
  
The ones you use to know  
  
I'm not the same one  
  
See what the times done  
  
Is that why you've let me go.  
  
They arrived a little bit late due to Rory's daydreaming but walked in almost unnoticed. 


	4. Reading Eyes

"Well there you guys are! I was wondering whether or not you would make it!" Emily Gilmore came rushing up to meet Lorelai, Luke, Rory, and Lana. "How are you guys!?!"  
  
"We're good we're good....how are you, Mom?"  
  
"Oh we're fine!"  
  
"Umm why are you so excited mother?" Emily looked at Lorelai and Rory.  
  
"Because...there are some very fine young men here that Rory should take a look at...." Emily said excitedely with a large grin on her face.  
  
"Mom! Rory is very capable of finding a guy on her own thank you very much!"  
  
"No she obviously can't after that....that boy, Jess, died-"  
  
"MOTHER!" Lorelai took a quick glance at Rory who was on the verge of tears.  
  
"It's ok mom. I'm just gonna go get some punch...ok?" She sadly stepped away. And after Rory was gone was when Lorelai decided to give her mother the yelling that was deserved.  
  
"MOTHER HOW COULD YOU!!!! She has been trying to convince herself that she in fact DID NOT love Jess when in reality she is completely madly in love with him!! How could you bring that up now!!!!"  
  
"Lorelai I'm sorry I just think that it's about time she was over that boy!"  
  
"Mom that boy is someone she has been TRYING to get over since the day she heard he was dead!!"  
  
"Ok fine! I was just thinking that she could meet someone new......oh fine whatever." She walked off in a huff.  
  
"Ok. Wow." Luke was totally shocked.  
  
"Yeah....I know...."  
  
Rory was getting some punch when she noticed something. That man....across the room....he almost looked like....*no that can't be him....i'm delusional* he turned his head a little making her see the side of his face....*oh my gosh....no no...stop it Gilmore....you are just imagining things....* she shrugged it off and walked back over to her mother.  
  
Later on in the night Rory and Lorelai are standing straight across from the guy who Rory thought she knew and his friend. "Go and ask that one to dance." Lorelai ordered pointing to the dark haired one.  
  
"Mom! I don't wanna dance....I can't dance...."  
  
"Hun come on! Just for the fun of it!"  
  
"Your starting to sound like grandma..." Lorelai gaped.  
  
"Now that was just mean....."  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"Dude just ask her to dance! I mean she's gonna be your wife soon anyway!!"  
  
"I can't!"  
  
"Why not!?!"  
  
"I just...I just can't ok?"  
  
"Why!?!"  
  
He sighed and finally answered. "I can't dance ok!! It would be so humiliating!"  
  
"I've seen you bust a move, your not THAT bad!"  
  
"But I'm still BAD, Jeff!!"  
  
"Oh please! It's your fiancé, man! She doesn't care! UGH! Why did I even bring you!" He smiled and hit his friend on the shoulder.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"So after you went to Yale then what did you do?" Asked an annoying guy who wouldn't leave Rory alone.  
  
"I got into journalism...oh will you excuse me? I need something else to drink." She walked off quickly before he offered to get it for her. *what is wrong with that guy? Can't he take a hint!* she reached to drink table and began to make her drink. As she was looking down she accidentally bumped into someone that was also getting a drink. "Oh excuse me." She looked up.  
  
"No it's my fault." He looked up.  
  
"Hi." He looked exactly like him....ok maybe not...he was different....not a lot though....but this couldn't be him...who was she kidding...he was....dead.....  
  
"Hi." He had seen her with her mother and his uncle earlier and knew it was her but he couldn't reveal himself.....at least not yet.....he decided to play it cool.....she obviously didn't know who he was.....*huh I guess I do look kinda different...but SHE still looks the same...*  
  
"I was just getting a drink..." Rory stammered.  
  
"Yeah..." He stared at her for a moment still debating about whether or not he should tell her now or if he should wait....  
  
"Would you like to dance?"  
  
"Huh?" He had definitely heard what she said...that's why he was playing dumb.....  
  
"Dance....would you like to dance?"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because....there's nothing else to do...so how bout it?"  
  
"Uhh sure umm ok...." He was a little unsure of this because they would be dancing and he hated dancing...but it was Rory....and...they would be really close....she could look into his eyes...*oh no....that could be bad...she always ALWAYS could read my eyes...ugh...i hate myself....I should have just come home....* 


	5. Just Walk Away

The guest singer began singing a song:  
  
Where does my heart beat now Where is the sound  
  
That only echoes through the night  
  
Where does my heart beat now  
  
I can't live without  
  
Without feeling it inside  
  
Where do all the lonely hearts go  
  
Rory lead him out onto the dance floor and they began dancing slowly. She looked up into his eyes like he had dreaded she would and looked hard at him.  
  
Candle in the water - Drifting helplessly  
  
Hiding from the thunder-  
  
Come and rescue me  
  
Driven by hunger -  
  
Of the endless dream  
  
She looked into his eyes for a good 5 minutes and then practically jumped out of his arms and just stared at him.  
  
I'm searching for the hand that I can hold  
  
I'm reaching for the arms that let me know Where do silent hearts go?  
  
"Jess!?!" He winced at the way she said his name. It was full of happiness and anger and surprise and hatred. * and what....is that....no it can't be....love? Maybe?*  
  
"Rory....I-"  
  
"Don't talk to me!" She ran away from him and past her bewildered mother and stepfather and out the door grabbing her coat on the way. Jess stood there in a daze until a familiar voice came up to him.  
  
"Hey baby....are you ok?"  
  
"Yeah....excuse me..." He pushed passed her and ran into Luke. *ah jeez here it comes...*  
  
"Jess...what...how...."  
  
"Not now Luke...ok?" He continued out the door and searched around for Rory. After a while he finally found her behind the large building that overlooked the ocean. She was sitting on the rather large dock with her feet dangling over the edge and her hair blowing in the ocean breeze.  
  
I know I never loved this way before And no one else has loved me more  
  
With you I've laughed and cried  
  
I have lived and died  
  
What I wouldn't do just to be with you  
  
"Rory....I think I owe you an explanation...." She stood up and looked out at the ocean not wanting to look in Jess's eyes. He slowly walked to her side. "When the plane crashed...it didn't explode right away....and God....for some reason allowed me to live...he let me out, Rory. And I was saved.....I ran off into the woods near the area we crashed at not wanting to get hit by the explosion." He looked over at her out of the corner of his eye so he could tell whether or not she was still listening. *what...is that...a tear?* yes in fact she was was crying but trying so hard to appear that she wasn't. Jess continued. "And when I heard that they thought I was dead....I thought I could start a new life....ya know...because I had screwed up so badly before...I thougtht I could erase my past....but one day I met this girl and we started dating and...well...now....we are...engaged...." Rory finally turned to face him and with tears in her starry blue eyes, one tear running down her cheek, and one word stinging in her ears *engaged*.....  
  
"Go to hell!" She ran off holding the train of her beautiful dress in her right hand passing a young woman practically knocking her down.  
  
I know I must forget you and go on  
  
I can't hold back my tears too long  
  
Though life won't be the same  
  
I've got to take the blame  
  
And find the strenght I need to let you go  
  
Just walk away  
  
Just say goodbye  
  
Don't turn around now you may see me cry I mustn't fall apart  
  
Or show my broken heart  
  
Or the love I feel for you  
  
So walk away  
  
And close the door And let my life be as it was before  
  
And I'll never never know Just how I let you go  
  
But there's nothing left to say  
  
Just walk away  
  
Jess walked up to his fiancé to help her steady herself.  
  
"Jess what was that?? Was she yelling at you?"  
  
"Can we not talk about this, Callie?"  
  
"Sure snookims...whatever you say...." They walked back up to the building...he hated it when she called him that.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"Rory? Rory open the door." Lorelai ordered to her daughter that was now sitting in the bathroom of this large house. After a while of coaxing...she finally came out with a red and tear stained face.  
  
"He's alive mom." She stated bluntly as she stared at the floor.  
  
"I saw...hun...what happened?...I saw him go after you...."  
  
"He told me what happened....and well....I.....i believe him it's just....I hate him for not wanting to come back. He said he wanted to make a new life and mom....he's engaged! When he told me I blew my top and I yelled 'go to hell' At the top of my lungs and ran off almost running over probably his fiancé to be! And now! I can't believe he's back! I hate him......and I love him....." She began to cry again and flung herself into her mother's arms.  
  
"I know hun I know...."  
  
About an hour later after Jess and Callie and Jeffery had left was when the Gilmore girls and Luke and Lana left. Rory sat in the back seat looking out the window once again thinking about Jess....again....  
  
There'll never be a moment I'll regret  
  
I've loved you since the day we met For all the love you gave And all the love we've made I know I've got to find the strenght to say  
  
Just walk away  
  
Just say goodbye Don't turn around now you may see me cry  
  
I mustn't fall apart  
  
Or show my broken heart Or the love I feel for you  
  
So walk away  
  
And close the door  
  
And let my life be as it was before  
  
And I'll never never know  
  
Just how I let you go  
  
But there's nothing left to say  
  
Just walk away 


	6. This Can't Be Happening

(Two Weeks Later)  
  
Rory couldn't get Jess off of her mind. Ever since she saw that he was alive all she wanted to do was scream and cry and carry on and....she did....that night she saw him....but it didn't seem like enough. It was true...she hated him and she loved him at the same time....it doesn't seem like it could be possible....but it is. A soft knock on her apartment door awoke her from her thoughts. She opened the door..."Jess..."  
  
"Rory...." She slammed the door in his face. "Rory! Open the door! Please!" He realized it was kind of late so he started lowering his voice somewhat but not completely. "Rory come on! Please just let me-"  
  
"Leave me alone Jess...." She almost whispered through the door as she started to walk away forgetting to lock the door.  
  
"No Rory I can't do that." He pushed the door open and she whipped around.  
  
"Get out of my house Jess....or I'll call security!"  
  
"Stop it Rory! Just stop it! I told you I was sorry! I didn't think you would take me back!!! And Rory what if I had come back and you DIDN'T take me back! Just me knowing that you hate me is worse than living itself!! Don't you understand that!" Jess took a step towards her and put out his hand to touch her arm but she backed away quickly.  
  
"Don't touch me!"  
  
"Rory I'm sorry! Can't you ever forgive me?" She finally couldn't stand it anymore.  
  
"NO JESS! You left me! You make everyone that loves you and cares for you think that you're dead and then you come back outta NOWHERE!! And expect us to just forgive and forget! Well I'm sorry Jess! I just can't do that!"  
  
"Rory you don't understand! I couldn't come back!"  
  
"Oh yeah? WHY'S THAT!"  
  
"Look Rory....I lied to you before....the explosion did happen while I was on the plane...but I got thrown into the middle of only God knows where and I was hurt really bad and I could barely walk.....I laid out there for days not being able to move....finally I got up....I headed to civilization and was gonna call you....but....then I realized that you would hate me if I came back out of the middle of nowhere after you thought I was dead...."  
  
"What makes you think that I would have hated you for comming back!!"  
  
"Look what you're doing right now!" She looked down at her feet trying to come back with a response and then finally quietly replied.  
  
"I'm mad because it took you 5 years....." She looked down so he wouldn't see her cry. (A/N:SONG THE SONG!!hahahhaa) "Please go."  
  
"Rory-"  
  
"Just go..." He slowly turned and began to walk out the door and then turned around quickly to face her.  
  
"There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't think about you Rory. I just thought you otta know. Goodnight." Rory stared at the now closed door for what seemed like an eternity and then fell to the floor crying. She held her knees to her chest and cried herself to sleep. She didn't want to get up ever again. (Two More Weeks Later)  
  
Rory dragged herself out of bed and put on her robe as she walked down the short hallway in her apartment. She pushed the button on the coffee maker and went to get her mail. Moments later she returned with a short stack of envelopes. The coffee was ready and she quickly poured herself a large cup and went to sit down and read her mail. The first one she opened was a bill the second was a bill the third was a postcard from Paris and Jamie on their honeymoon and the fourth....she couldn't really tell....she opened the envelope slowly. It looked like some kind of invitation......it read:  
  
Frank and Judy Carmichael and Elizabeth Danes  
  
Invite you to the marriage ceremony of their children:  
  
Callie Jennifer Carmichael  
  
And  
  
Jesse Alexander Mariano  
  
On February 7, 2008  
  
At the Wullsworth Mansion in Stars Hollow, Connecticut  
  
At 3:00 P.M. And please join them in a reception immediately following the service  
  
Rory dropped the invitation....after regaining her composer she decided to call her mother.  
  
RING RING RING RING RING  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"How could he do this! WHY WOULD HE DO THIS!?!"  
  
"Rory hunny what's the matter!?!"  
  
"He sent me an ivitation to his wedding!!! TO HIS WEDDING!! After all he did!! He expects me to come to his wedding!!!! HOW COULD HE DO THIS TO ME!!!! I officially HATE him now!!!"  
  
"Rory...please calm down....."  
  
"MOM! THIS IS HORRIBLE!!!!!"  
  
"I'm very aware of that hun....but are you gonna go?"  
  
"Am I gonna go?!!??!!!"  
  
"Yes I belive that's what I asked..."  
  
"No! Why would I go!!?!!!?!!!"  
  
"Because....you guys used to be friends....and I think that you guys should get passed everything and work it all out...."  
  
"How could you say that!!! Ugh! I gotta go to work! Bye!"  
  
"Ror-" she was cut of by the sound of the dial tone. *the nerve of her! Taking that....that delinquent's side!!!! Oh what am I saying!! DELINQUENT!!!??!!!!* thought Rory yelling at herself in her thoughts... *i'm crazy!*  
  
(One Week Later)  
  
RING RING RING RING  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Rory?"  
  
"Yeah....Jess?"  
  
"Yeah...it's me...."  
  
"What do you want."  
  
"I just wanted to say....well....I'm...I didn't mean to send that invitation...Cal was just sending all of 'em in the stack...and she sent yours....it wasn't suppose to go to you...."  
  
"So are you like uninviting me now?" She asked bitterly.  
  
"No....I'm just saying that I don't expect you to come or anything that's all...."  
  
"Whatever. I have to go. Bye." She hung up before he could answer. 


	7. It Always Begins With a Phone Call

Today was the day of the wedding and Rory for some reason decided to go. She didn't know what the crap she was doing...she put on a very elegant powder blue dress with rhinestones on the front with a diamond necklace her grandparents gave her for christmas 2 years ago and the earings to match. She was gorgeous. But she actually wasn't even trying to look beautiful....she wasn't doing all this to try and win Jess back at the last minute...she just threw on some clothes and shoes and left.  
  
She walked slowly out to her car and stopped by a coffee place and got her elixir of life while getting many lustful stares from many of the men in the shop. She walked back out to her car, hopped in and turned on the radio. She began driving to the wedding.  
  
In fact, not a single minute  
  
Passes without you in it Your voice, your touch, memories of your love  
  
Are with me all of the time  
  
Let me let go, baby  
  
Let me let go  
  
If this is for the best  
  
Why are you still in my heart Are you still in my soul Let me let go  
  
I talked to you the other day  
  
Looks like you make your escape You put us behind, no matter how I try  
  
I can't do the same  
  
She pulled into the parking lot of the mansion after a couple hours of driving from New York to Stars Hollow and hopped out taking in her surroundings. The place was beautiful. Flowers were everywhere. She drank the rest of her coffee which she had accidentally forgotten about and then once she was done she tossed it into her car, took a deep breath and began walking over towards the crowd. She tried to find Luke and her mom and Lana.. But she didn't see them anywhere....*that's weird...I thought Jess decided that Luke was going to be the best man....* she thought that maybe they were just running late and then she remembered that they were comming from visiting her grandparents in Hartford so it would take them a little longer....she found herself a seat in the very back and sat down putting her purse under the chair in front of her and folding her hands in her lap....waiting for the wedding to start....her mom and Luke still weren't there....she was getting worried...but she figured Jess changed his mind or something....something Jess like....  
  
"Rory?" She turned her head.  
  
"Jess. Hi."  
  
"I....I didn't think you were comming..." He seemed nervous...  
  
"Yeah well. I changed my mind. I hope that's ok." She asked sarcastically.  
  
"Yeah thats...thats fine...oh I gotta go...i'll talk to you later." He smiled weakly at her and took his place on the stage up front.  
  
The wedding march began and Rory could feel herself starting to cry. She saw Jess up in the front looking absolutely gorgeous in his suit. *ok gilmore....you HAVE to do this. NO crying!!! none whatsoever.* the flower girl the bridesmaids and the maid of honor all walked down the aisle and then the bride began her slow march to the front. Rory was suffocating...*why am I doing this to myself!!?!! I am such an idiot!* the bride finally made it to the front and her father gave her to Jess and they faced the preacher and the music stopped playing.  
  
RING RING RING RING RING  
  
Everyone looked around. Rory's face turned a light shade of red when she realized her cell phone was ringing. She caught Jess's eye before bending down to get it. She took it back further away from the crowd.  
  
"Hello?" She sounded agitated and tears were jumping down her throat trying to hide from whoever it was.  
  
"Uh..is this Ms. Gilmore....Rory Gilmore?"  
  
"Yes it is." Her voice still agitated....i mean the wedding wasn't like waiting for her!  
  
"Ms. Gilmore...this is Dr. Waterstone from Hartford Memorial....we have some bad news." 


	8. Practically Alone

"Your mother, Lorelai...and Luke....and your sister, Lana.....they were in an accident...." Rory could hardly believe what she was hearing...  
  
"Wha-what do you mean an accident..." This conversation sounded vaguely familiar....unfortunately.  
  
"A car accident...."  
  
"How...how bad is it?"  
  
"....Ms. Gilmore....your mother and your sister, Lana...they....were killed instantly....and Luke is in bad shape...but he should be fine...." The words "killed instantly" stung in her ears and in the back of her aching head... "We think it would be best if you came straight to the hospital. I'm so sorry..." Rory dropped her phone and walked to her car trying to make sure she didn't fall. She seemed in a daze...*this can't be happening...*  
  
Johnny, one of the ushers, had agreed to hold Jess's phone for him during the wedding just in case work called or something. Jess hesitated before he said "I do" so this gave Johnny a perfect chance to interrupted.  
  
"Excuse me..." Jess looked at him with an annoyed look. "You need to come with me...."  
  
"What? why? Jess!" Whined Callie.  
  
"Yeah what's going on?" They were fully aware that they were still in the middle of the wedding...  
  
"Jess you have to come with me to the hospital, now!"  
  
"HUH! What! what's going on!!" He saw Rory stumbling to her car and realized that his uncle and Lorelai weren't anywhere to be found...  
  
"Luke, Lorelai, and Lana are in the hospital....Lorelai and Lana....they were killed instantly....but Luke is gonna be ok...eventually....but he's in bad shape Jess...." Jess rushed off the stage leaving Callie completely bewildered. *Oh my gosh! Rory!! I bet that was what the phone call was! Oh my gosh! This can't be happening!!*  
  
"The wedding is post-poned... I'm sorry to have waisted everyone's time. We will inform you as to when the wedding will be....there are refreshments inside..." Said Callie trying to keep her composure. She was being selfish. She just wanted to get the wedding over with and he just LEAVES!  
  
Jess jumped in his car and sped out of the parking lot much like Rory had done arriving 30 minutes later at the hospital. He ran in to find Rory and a doctor talking. He walked up to them.  
  
"Jess?" She looked at his hand....there was no ring....but that was the least of her worries at the moment.  
  
"Yeah I made it. How's Luke?"  
  
"He's in critical condition....but...he's going to be ok....it will just take some time..." Stated the doctor. Jess was stunned...he looked over at Rory who's face was still emotionless. He reached out to hug her and she pulled away and ran out the door.  
  
"I'm so sorry Mr. Mariano...and I'm also sorry this happened on your wedding day...." *my wedding day! Oh my gosh!! I totally forgot!! I'm such an idiot!!! I was too worried about Rory....wait....I was too worried about Rory? Oh no....no no no!!! Don't do this Mariano!! Your getting married!!! MARRIED!!!! HELLOOOOO!!!!!* he snapped out of his thoughts realizing Rory had left...she looked really upset....though not crying....he wasn't sure what she would do...*where would she go?? Ah yes....of course....* he walked outside. It was freezing! Why did he have to have his wedding in the middle of december!!! IDIOT!  
  
Rory had not cried yet....she wasn't going to cry. She made up her mind not to let herself cry. Not this time. When she thought Jess was dead....she had cried...cried and cried and cried. Her eyes were practically wrinkled from all the crying....and now look...he's back and everything is all screwed up....*I won't cry. Not again.*  
  
She drove and drove...her destination....Stars Hollow....the bridge in Stars Hollow...she once again turned on her radio hoping to drown out her thoughts with music but of course....it didn't work...  
  
this is my December  
  
This is my time of the year  
  
This is my December  
  
This is all so clear  
  
This is my December  
  
This is my snow covered home  
  
This is my December  
  
This is me alone  
  
And I  
  
Just wish that i didnt feel  
  
Like there was something i missed And I  
  
Take back all the things i said  
  
To make you  
  
feel like that Just wish that i didnt feel  
  
Like there was something i missed  
  
And I  
  
Take back all the things i said to you And i give it all away  
  
Just to have somewhere to go to  
  
Give it all away  
  
To have someone to come home to This is my December  
  
These are my snow covered dreams This is me pretending  
  
She finally reached her destination and slowly let herself out of the car. It was night. And the stars were out. She sat down on the bridge dangling her legs over the edge. She looked at her reflection in the crystal water...now she wasn't one to be very 'high on herself' but she looked pretty good to have had the kind of day she had had...but SHE didn't think she looked very good. All she could see was her soul, slowly melting away....it was almost gone....and her heart had felt like it had fallen out of her chest. But unfortunately for her....even though a heart is broken it keeps a beatin just the same(A/N: Fried Green Tomatoes) she heard someone come up behind her....she didn't even have to look. "Go away."  
  
"Rory..."  
  
"No Jess. Don't." She stood up and faced him.  
  
"I just wanted to say i'm so sorry...about Lorelai and Lana..."  
  
"I don't want your sympathy. I don't NEED your sympathy. Go back to your fiancé. She'll be wondering where you are." She turned to go back to her car but Jess caught her by the arm.  
  
"Rory don't do this." She pulled her arm away and turned around.  
  
"Jess. Have you ever felt so alone that you just wanted to kill yourself? Well, newsflash! That's where I am right now!"  
  
"Then let me help you!"  
  
"NO!" She turned to where her back was facing him. "You left me once. It can't be that hard to do it again." And with that she held up her beautiful dress and ran back to her car. She got in and quickly drove away leaving Jess on the bridge staring at the water. 


	9. A Double Date

5 YEARS LATER  
  
"Leigh! Hey Leigh wait up!!"  
  
"Yeah?" Leigh turned around.  
  
"Can you do something for me?"  
  
"What now, Cassidy..."  
  
"Ok see my brother, Jeff, thinks that I'm like totally all alone and have no friends or a life and so he set me up with this guy! And I don't want to go alone!! See you can go with Jeff and I'll go with this guy he's setting me up with....it's like-"  
  
"A double date?"  
  
"YEAH! It's like your reading my mind or something!"  
  
"Yeah that's great. Now see if you can read mine." (A/N: A Walk To Remember)Leigh stared at Cassidy right in the eyes and turned around to walk away. But Cassidy wasn't about to give up.  
  
"Oh come on!! Please!! It'll be fun!! I mean...techniquely...it's not a date...i mean for you and Jeff...it's just his friend wants him to come and so I'm bringing a friend too! See so it's not really a date!" Leigh sighed heavily hoping her friend would just drop it. "Please.....Jeff said I would really like this guy.....and I don't want to miss out...but i'm nervous....pretty please?" She gave Leigh the pouty face.  
  
"All right fine. But you owe me."  
  
"Don't I always." Leigh smiled a fake smile and Cassidy returned a warm one. Leigh was a normal happy person when at work, but when she was at her apartment or by herself she never smiled or laughed...she just sits, reading...alone....  
  
"Yup." She walked off and then heard another voice behind her.  
  
"Ms. Hayden." It was her boss, Jordan Sudan. "I need to speak with you." Leigh cringed as she heard these words and nodded her head and followed Mr. Sudan into his large office. "Now Ms. Hayden. I would like to discuss your last article. It was....well....it was very very well written I must say. I actually think it's one of the best pieces I've ever read...."  
  
"But...?" She asked waiting for the worst.  
  
"I really would like you to re-consider my offer..." She sighed...*I should have seen that one comming.*  
  
"No sir. I will not re-consider your offer. I'm sorry."  
  
"Leigh...please..."  
  
"No. I'm sorry."  
  
"But-"  
  
"No. I'm sorry." She sighed once again. "I need to get back to work." She walked out of his office only to run into Cassidy once again.  
  
"Hey!" She noticed a extremely sad face plastered on her best friend. "Whoa....what's wrong with you?"  
  
"Mr. Sudan wanted me to take that writting job that he offers me every month since 2 years ago." They walked into Leigh small office.  
  
"Oh, Leigh! You should really consider taking that job!"  
  
"Not you too!"  
  
"Yes ME too!! Writing books...that was always your dream!!"  
  
" 'was' being the keyword here. I don't want to write, Cass....it's just not going to happen." Cassidy sighed dramatically and decided to let it go....Leigh was just someone you didn't argue much with.  
  
"Ok. Fine. So anyways. The uh 'date' thing. It's tomorrow at 7:30. I'll pick you up at 7 and we'll meet the boys at Club Le'ChiChi. Ok? Does that sound good?"  
  
"Super!" Leigh responded rather sarcastically. Cassidy glared at Leigh playfully and left her office.  
  
FRIDAY NIGHT-6:55 P.M.  
  
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK  
  
"Comming!" Came a voice from inside the 4 room apartment. She finally came and opened the door. "Hey Cass. Come on in. I'm almost ready." Cassidy looked at her. She was wearing a long black dress with a diamond necklace and diamond earings to match and her make-up was perfect. She almost envied her....ALMOST....  
  
"You look great, Leigh...really...." Leigh was putting on her shoes that matched so perfectly with her dress as Cassidy spoke. It was a known fact that Leigh was a great fashion person...she really knew how to dress...  
  
"Oh thanks. You look really great too...seriously...purple is definitely your color." She smiled a genuine smile at Cassidy and grabbed a black silk purse and was ready to go.  
  
"Thank you, Sweetie...ok let's get goin! Don't want to keep my date waiting!" She smiled sarcastically and they left.  
  
CLUB LE'CHICHI  
  
"Hi...uh Preston party of 4 please?"  
  
"Oh yes the two gentlemen are already waiting for you at that table over there." The hostess pointed and Cassidy and Leigh made there way over. Leigh was constantly looking down into her purse thinking she had forgotten her cell phone.  
  
"Hey, Sis!" Jeff got up and hugged his little sister. "Cassidy. This is my best friend...a.k.a your date, Jess Mariano." 


	10. Same Story, Different Person

Leigh's head quickly shot up from her purse and a look of panic spread across her face.  
  
"Hi Jess." Cassidy smiled shyly. "Oh I'm sorry. Excuse me. Jeff, Jess, this is my best friend Leigh Hayden." Leigh stood there hoping that her mouth wasn't hanging down to the floor.  
  
"Hi Leigh." Jeff was stunned by her beauty.  
  
"Hey." Jess thought he had seen this girl before...her eyes were exactly the same...but....this woman's were clouded with blackness....she was paler than 'her' too...  
  
"Hi." She managed to get out. She realized she must look like an idiot, so she composed herself and sat down, allowing Jeff to scoot her seat in for her. "Thank you." He nodded in reply.  
  
"So Jess...what do you do for a living?"  
  
"I uhh..I.."he could barely think straight...this girl, Leigh, had his attention...she just reminded him so much of 'her'. "I write books."  
  
"Oh really!! Me and Leigh's boss keeps wanted Leigh to write a book but she always turns it down!"  
  
"Why's that?" Asked Jeff.  
  
"I just...I used to want to...I mean it was my dream and all...then it just...I dunno...I guess I grew out of it...the dream....died." Her face looked pained and it made her look much older than 28.  
  
"Oh really why's that?" Asked Jeff. *shut-up!* thought Leigh.  
  
"It just did." She sounded really annoyed so Jeff immediately shut his mouth. They sat in silence while they ate their food...everything was awkward....and no one knew why....but Leigh or should I say Rory did...  
  
Finally Cassidy began to speak. "So Jess, Jeff tells me that you almost got married..."  
  
"Yeah..." Jess didn't look very upset when he spoke so Cassidy began to ask more questions.  
  
"What happened?" Rory was starting to get interested in where this conversation was going.  
  
"Well actually during the ceremony...my uncle and my aunt and my cousin all got into a car wreck and my aunt and my cousin like died instantly and my uncle really needed me...and so we post-poned the wedding...but I just didn't want to get married to her after that....I don't even know why." But he did know why. It was because he was still in love with Rory and there was no way in the world that he could change the way his heart felt...  
  
Cassidy knew that her best friend's real name was Lorelai LEIGH GILMORE but Rory had told her to call her Leigh...she had said something about trying to get away from her old life and such. Rory was getting really tired and her head was starting to spin and she but her fingers on each of her temples and massaged them...  
  
"Hey Leigh...you ok?" Rory looked up.  
  
"Huh? Yeah I'm fine..." She started to feel like she definitely wasn't fine... "I uhh I'm gonna...I'll be right back." She got up and walked to the bathroom. She went in one of the stalls and slumped to the floor. *Why is my life so freakin complicated!?! It's like one of those stupid soap operas!*  
  
LATER THAT NIGHT  
  
"Well it was great meeting you Jess...bye Jeff." She hugged her brother and hopped into the cab, Rory following closely behind. The driver began to drive off. When they reached Rory's apartment they said goodbye and Rory left.  
  
She walked into her apartment the thoughts of Jess still roaming in her mind. There was a knock at the door and she went to open it. 


	11. The Song

"Why hello Leigh..."  
  
"Hi....uhh...Jess right? what are you doing here." She let him inside.  
  
"Ya know you remind me a lot of one of my old friends..."  
  
"Really?....what a coincidence..."  
  
"Yeah it's really cool...she actually vaguely resembles you..."  
  
"Wow...that's really cool...."  
  
"Rory stop ok. I know it's you."  
  
"Jess-"  
  
"Why did you change your name?"  
  
"I didn't...well not really...Leigh is my middle name and Hayden is my dad's last name...so-"  
  
"Rory...."  
  
"What are you doing here Jess..."  
  
"I wanted to talk to you. I've been searching everywhere for you..."  
  
"Yeah well...I wanted a change." She practically glared at him hoping he understood what she was trying to say.  
  
"Rory...don't pull that out again ok?" *Yep he got it.*  
  
"Fine."  
  
"So...how have you been dealing...with....things..."  
  
"Jess...don't start ok. Not now."  
  
"Rory! You're not.....you anymore!"  
  
"What do you want from me!!"  
  
"I want Rory back!"  
  
"She's standing right here!"  
  
"no she's not...." He turned and left. (a/n: I got this off of gilmore girls when Luke is talking to Lorelai after they had that fight about Jess)  
  
I woke up in a dream today  
  
To the cold of the static / and put my cold feet on the floor  
  
Forgot all about yesterday  
  
Remembering I'm pretending to be where I'm not anymore  
  
A little taste of hypocrisy  
  
And I'm left in the wake of the mistake / slow to react  
  
Even though you're so close to me  
  
You're still so distant / And I can't bring you back  
  
It's true / the way I feel Was promised by your face The sound of your voice  
  
Painted on my memories  
  
Even if you're not with me  
  
I'm with you  
  
You / Now I see/ keeping everything inside  
  
Rory stared after the door thinking about what he said. She had lately been writing songs that would let her feelings out but she never sang them for anyone. No one knew but Rory had quite the singing voice and she could play the guitar. She decided to write Jess a song explaining the way she was feeling. She definitely missed him, but she couldn't bring herself to asking for his help. When she was done, she put the piece of paper in an envelope and sent it.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
2 DAYS LATER  
  
Jess went and got his mail and saw that he had gotten something from Rory....he opened it...  
  
Sometimes I need to remember just to breathe  
  
Sometimes I need you to stay away from me  
  
Sometimes I'm in disbelief, I didn't know  
  
Somehow I need you to go  
  
Don't stay  
  
Forget our memories  
  
Forget our possibilities  
  
What you were changing me into  
  
Just take myself back and Don't stay  
  
Forget our memories  
  
Forget our possibilities  
  
Take all your faithlessness with you  
  
Just take myself back and  
  
Don't stay  
  
Sometimes I feel like I trusted you too well Sometimes I just feel like strangling you myself  
  
Sometimes I'm in disbelief, I didn't know  
  
Somehow I need to be alone  
  
Don't stay Forget our memories  
  
Forget our possibilities  
  
What you were changing me into  
  
Just take myself back and  
  
Don't stay Forget our memories Forget our possibilities  
  
Take all your faithlessness with you  
  
Just take myself back and Don't stay  
  
I don't need you anymore, don't want to be ignored  
  
I don't need one more day, of you wasting me away  
  
I don't need you anymore, I don't want to be ignored  
  
I don't need one more day, of you wasting me away  
  
With no apologies  
  
Don't stay  
  
Forget our memories  
  
Forget our possibilities  
  
What you were changing me into  
  
Just take myself back and  
  
Don't stay  
  
Forget our memories  
  
Forget our possibilities  
  
Take all your faithlessness with you Just take myself back and Don't stay  
  
Don't stay  
  
Don't stay  
  
(A/N-This song, actually written by LINKIN PARK! ROCK ON!! Lol)  
  
Jess folded the paper and contemplated on what she was trying to tell him....then realizing, he decided to call her.... 


	12. This Means Goodbye

"Hello?"  
  
"Rory....." There was a long pause, "Rory?.....please Rory talk to me....what did you mean by the song??" He could tell she was crying...and he knew that she hadn't cried since....well since her mother died....  
  
Look at me, my depth perception must be off again  
  
You got much closer than I thought you did I'm in your reach  
  
You held me in your hands  
  
"Goodbye, Jess."  
  
But could you find it in your heart?  
  
To make this go away  
  
And let me rest in pieces  
  
Would you find it in your heart?  
  
To make it go away  
  
And let me rest in pieces  
  
Jess practically dropped the phone back into it's cradle. How could she do this to him?? Did she mean it??? It's not like they were going out or anything but goodbye meant goodbye...as in she never wanted to see him again....he couldn't take this. 


	13. Dead Inside

ABOUT 1 YEAR LATER  
  
Today was a the 6th year aniversary of when Rory's mother and little sister died, she decided to go to the gravesite and visit them. "Hey mom, Lana....I uhh.." She felt the tears comming, "I miss you guys....ok umm let's see what's going on in my life....I uhh got a new job...yeah...and ummm me and no mom, me and Jess aren't together...." She randomly added in... "Actually we never see each other anymore..."  
  
"No, we don't." Came a voice from behind her. She knew who it was. She turned around.  
  
"What are you doing here, Jess?"  
  
"I knew you'd be here today...and I brought Luke to see them....so it wasn't like I was stalking you or anything." Rory didn't realize how much she missed him...well maybe she did...but she never admitted it to herself.  
  
"Well that's good...makes me more comfortable..." This was way too awkward, luckily, Luke chimed in.  
  
"Hey Ror...."  
  
"Hey Luke."  
  
"Hey can you guys give me a minute...ya know...alone...."  
  
"Yeah sure..." The two said in unison. They walked away.  
  
"How is he?" Asked Rory avoiding the whole awkwardness between them, for the time being.  
  
"I don't know...today is really hard for him...and for you..." She looked up into his eyes...... She noticed a change in him....  
  
"Yeah....it is...." There was a rather long pause..... "There's something different...."  
  
"What?"  
  
"About you...there's something different about you..."  
  
"It's been a year Rory, what else can you expect."  
  
"No....what is it Jess?"  
  
"Nuthing...."  
  
"Yeah right...just because I haven't seen you in a year doesn't mean I can't read you anymore. Please just tell me."  
  
"You don't want to hear it. You wouldn't care anyhow. Trust me."  
  
"Yes I do. Just tell me." He took a deep breath.  
  
"I'm gay." You wouldn't believe the look on Rory's face. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding." She smiled a little.  
  
"Your sarcastic remarks haven't changed that's for sure."  
  
"Jess I'm ready to go..." Said Luke comming up behind them. Rory was dissapointed. She wanted to know what was wrong with Jess...but as if right on time they were interrupted.  
  
"Ok. See ya Rory." No emotion was seen on Jess's face, just blank. Empty, and that's what he was, empty. Rory was gone and he felt alone. He was dead inside. 


	14. Some Weird Twist of Fate

It had been 2 weeks since Rory had seen Jess at the cemetery and she couldn't stop thinking about the look in his eyes. She had to know what was different about him, so she decided to find him. She called Luke and found out where Jess lived and she went to his apartment. She knocked on the door and waited for him to open it. After what seemed like forever, it opened slowly.  
  
"Hey, Jess."  
  
"What are you doing here?"  
  
"I came to talk to you, seeing as how Luke so conveniently interrupted us the other day."  
  
"Oh..." He motioned for her to come in, she did so as if she were trying to sneak in. Neither of them sat down and they stood there just looking at one another.  
  
"So what did you want to talk about?" He asked. He knew he should be nervous and maybe if this was happening back when he was 17, he would have been, but he couldn't feel anything anymore, just hurt and pain.  
  
"I want to know what's wrong with you." She said it somewhat harshly, well at least to Jess it seemed that way, and he finally snapped.  
  
"You want to know what's wrong with me!?! I'll tell you what's wrong with me, Rory! I can't feel anything anymore! I can't think anymore! I can't date anymore! And it's all because of you!! Ever since that day you told me goodbye, I've been like a dead man walkin!"  
  
"Then just forget me!"  
  
"You think I haven't tried that!!??!! You have had this amazing hold on my life for the past year and it's killing me!!!"  
  
"Jess, I don't want you to keep thinking about me!"  
  
"Why can't you love me, Rory..."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Why can't you love me?"  
  
"Because...everyone I have ever loved has died...and...I don't want you to die ok?!...please just forget that you ever met me." After saying this she went up to him and kissed him on the cheek and walked out. He couldn't feel her kiss, but he wished that he could. Was he that unlovable that she would just walk out on him again? She was destroying his life whether she was trying to or not.  
  
Would you find it in your heart?  
  
To make it go away  
  
And let me rest in pieces  
  
Look at me, my depth perception must be off again  
  
You got much closer than I thought you did  
  
I'm in your reach  
  
You held me in your hands  
  
But could you find it in your heart?  
  
To make this go away  
  
And let me rest in pieces  
  
Would you find it in your heart?  
  
To make it go away  
  
And let me rest in pieces  
  
***************************************************  
  
It's been 2 years since they had seen each other. Her mind would drift to him but his face would slowly fade from her memory. She was 31 years old and single. She was turning out like her mother...except for the kid part of course. She missed Luke...well, she missed Jess too...but she knew she could always go see Luke and so she did.  
  
"Hey Luke"  
  
"Rory?  
  
"Oh my goodness..I haven't seen you....well I haven't seen you in a couple years now...how are you?"  
  
"I'm...not bleeding or anything."  
  
"Well that's good."  
  
"How bout you?"  
  
"I'm not bleeding either." They smiled at each other. The bell on the diner door rang and the automatic reaction is to look and see who it is. And if it was some weird twist of fate, there stood Jess (without a smile)...but he was with another woman.....Luke turned and saw his nephew and he jumped up and hugged the two that stood at the door.  
  
"Hey Jess, Tammie." Luke turned to Rory. "Rory, you know Jess of course" she inwardly cringed...*why did he say that?* she thought. "And this is Jess's wife, Tammie." Rory's heart stopped beating for a second.  
  
"Oh..uhh..hi.." She stuttered. "Luke..it was great seeing you... I'll call you or somethin...bye." She got up and walked out of the diner as fast as she could. She was sick of driving so she went to the bridge. Oh the memories that flooded her mind. She sat down and stared at the water and about 5 minutes later, she heard footsteps on the bridge.  
  
"Long time no see. But hey, it's been like that for the past what? 10 years?" His hurt and pain had obviously mixed with bitterness.  
  
"Jess...you got married."  
  
"I did? I was wondering why that woman was following me around. Thanks for clearing that up for me."  
  
"Shut up. Why didn't you tell me you got married?"  
  
"I didn't think you'd care. Besides, you told me to forget you and so I've done." Well at least that's what he made everyone think.  
  
"Oh...you...you're right...I did tell you that...." She looked down and whispered: "I wish I hadn't."  
  
"Why's that?" He had obviously heard her.  
  
"Because...well...Jess...I...I was idiot....I miss you...."  
  
"Yeah I'll bet. Everytime I told YOU that, you ignored me!"  
  
"Of course I didn't!!! I love you, Jess! I realize that I need you! I just...You were right, I needed a long time to get over my mom and Lana...well...I'm not over them...but I'm a lot better now..." She knew she was starting to ramble "I love you so much, Jess." She ran to him and kissed him. at first he responded, but then he backed away.  
  
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!!?! I'm married!! And you KNOW that!!! You are so selfish. You can't expect me just to forgive you. I've been waiting for you to 'stop being an idiot' and to 'get over your mom and your sister' for years and when you finally do, I'm married! I don't regret moving on, Rory. If I hadn't moved on, I would still be depressed and not want to do anything with my life and just waste away to nothing! But Tammie has helped me move on. I know I told you 2 years ago that you had a hold on my life. Well I finally ripped your hand off of me....and I'm free. Yeah I missed you....but I can't just let you back in. especially since I'm married." Just her standing there was seriously hard for him. He thought seeing her again wouldn't be so difficult, but it was almost more than he could bear. He hated telling her all this, but he couldn't stand to be hurt by her again. He knew it would literally kill him, so HE had to be the one to walk away this time. What he said about Tammie helping him move on, was a complete lie.  
  
He had gotten married to prove a point to Luke and all of his friends, that he was not pining over Rory, which he obviously was. Yes, he knew it was wrong to play Tammie like that, but it did keep his mind occupied....for a small portion of the time anyway.  
  
"I'm sorry Jess..." Hurt was apparent in her voice as tears threatened to fall.  
  
"I have to go." His heart was breaking once again. He started to walk away but turned back around. "I'm sorry, too, Rory." He walked back to the diner, never looking back. He felt nothing again. He had just started getting his feeling back a little and this had to happen. He just had to run back into Rory. How could he face Tammie after this?  
  
A/N: STOP! DON'T KILL ME!!! I'm sorry I'm sorry!! Please forgive me!! I'm still working on this story!! Please don't hurt me! Please review...but don't like verbally bash me or anything, it would make me sad and I might not update for a seriously long time and you won't get to experience all the happiness that is ahead! Lol! So go ahead and push the button and review please! 


	15. So Many Worries

Jess walked back to the diner as slow as he could. He didn't want to face his wife, but he knew he had to. He opened the door and walked in as quietly as possible.  
  
"Jess! There you are! Where did you go?" Asked Tammie. Jess avoided her and Luke's eyes.  
  
"I went to the bridge." He wasn't REALLY lying...  
  
"Oh ok...Luke, may I use your bathroom?"  
  
"Of course." She went upstairs, leaving Luke and Jess alone. "You know you suck at lying."  
  
"Excuse me?" I remember you said I was rather good at lying."  
  
"Yeah...but you've changed..."  
  
"Don't Luke."  
  
"You went to the bridge to talk to HER didn't you!"  
  
"Stop."  
  
"Your still in love with HER aren't you! You lied when you said you loved Tammie! You love RORY!"  
  
"STOP IT! Please....just....stop...." Jess sat down in one of the chairs, with his head in his hands-mentally exhausted. "I-"  
  
"Luke can I have something to eat?" Interrupted Tammie as she came down the stairs.  
  
"Oh yeah sure." Thankfully she hadn't heard what Luke had just said....or so Jess thought...  
  
The smiled disapeared from her face as soon as Luke left the room. "Who's Rory again? I mean considering you're STILL IN LOVE WITH HER!!"  
  
"No no no! I don't! Luke's mental. I mean seriously, he's crazy! Please..." He kissed her.. "Don't be mad..."  
  
"Well...ok...I love you..."  
  
"I love you too..." They kissed and then ate with Luke. When they were done Jess got up. "I'm gonna go for a walk...I'll be back later..."  
  
**************************  
  
Rory had driven to her old house to se who lived there. (Luke couldn't stay there-it was too painful) The house looked just how they'd left it....except the furniture was covered up with large white sheets.  
  
Someone else entered the house. Rory turned around and ran into Lane. "Lane...how did you-"  
  
"I followed you...I heard you were in town so I followed you to the bridge but Jess beat me out there...then I followed you here..."  
  
"You saw what happened with Jess?"  
  
"Yeah....I'm sorry I didn't tell you he was married...I didn't think...."  
  
"No...it's ok...really..."  
  
"I missed you."  
  
"I missed you too." The two girls hugged. "Lane...can I be alone...I'll say goodbye before I leave to go home..."  
  
"Ok." Lane walked out and Rory went out on the back porch. She heard some rustling in the bushes and saw a person to emerge from them. It was getting dark so she couldn't see real well.  
  
The person approached the porch and started when they saw her standing there. "Rory...." She stood there in shock for a moment.  
  
"Jess....what are you doing here...."  
  
"Well...I wanted to see this house...I haven't seen it in years..."  
  
"Me neither...I haven't had the strength to come back yet..."  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
"Look I'm sorry about earlier...I shouldn't have kissed you."  
  
"No you shouldn't have." He replied coldly.  
  
"I'm truly sorry, Jess.....for everything..." He stood silent for a few moments before answering.  
  
"Yeah...I know you are...Rory....I was just so in love with you...and you...you broke my heart. You broke it over and over and over....and over...and...over..." The tears in her eyes started to spill over.  
  
"I know....and I hate myself for it..I was such an idiot and now I'll never be able to live with myself after this...and...I really needed you..."  
  
"Well...It's a little late for that..." He tried to change the subject "me and Tammie were thinking about moving to Stars Hollow..."  
  
"That's....nice...I guess...look..I have to go...bye Jess...maybe I'll come back to Stars Hollow one day. You'll probably have a kid or two and you'll be the most devoted husband and father there ever was....and I'll be happy for you...at least I'll try to be..." She walked off leaving Jess on her old porch where they used to hang out as teenagers. He didn't know if he really would ever see her again....but the thought of him having one or two children with Tammie scared him...he didn't want children with her...because that would mean forever....there would be no turning back after that...and he wasn't exactly sure he wanted forever with Tammie because....as much as he tried to deny it...it was because of Rory.  
  
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A/N: Oh my goodness! I cannot express how sorry I am about not updating this story!!! I feel just awful!! Please forgive my sin! Lol! Please review and tell me whatcha think about this chapter! 


	16. Christmas

5 MONTHS LATER-DECEMBER  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Rory!"  
  
"Lane, hey!"  
  
"How was the big move to California last week?"  
  
"It went pretty good. California is very very hot! Well at least the part I'm in! I'm right by the ocean, Lane! It's so incredible! This is the first time I've been excited....well in years!"  
  
"Oh sweetie that's great! I'm so happy for you! How did you pay for a beach house?"  
  
"Well this great friend of mine at work had like a 'summer home' here and he wanted to sell it and I graciously excepted it since I got re-posted here. It's about a 30 minute drive to work everyday-but it's totally worth it."  
  
"Well I'm happy for you. You do know that Christmas is next week right?"  
  
"No way! Oh my gosh it is!?!" She replied sarcastically. "Yes of course I remembered Lane!"  
  
"I was just askin! Are you gonna....um...come to Stars Hollow?" Rory sighed: she hadn't really thought about going back.  
  
"I...uh...well I...."  
  
"Please Rory!"  
  
"Well....um ok..." She knew she was going to regret this.  
  
"YES! Oh great! When are you comming?"  
  
"Um...I'll leave tomorrow...so that would mean that I would be there by...wednesday."  
  
"Christmas Eve! Perfect! I have to go! But I'll see you Wednesday! Bye"  
  
"Bye." Rory hung up the phone. She couldn't believe what she just got herself into.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~*  
  
Rory arrived in Stars Hollow at 5:00 p.m. She readied herself for the next couple of days and walked over to Luke's to get some coffee. The bell on the door jingled as she walked in. Luke looked up, naturally, and quickly recognized the woman's face. "Rory!" He came around the counter and gave her a huge hug.  
  
"Hey Luke." He got her some coffee and they sat down and talked about what had been happening in their lives recently. Just then the bell on the door rang again and a young man walked in carrying about 7 boxes and walked unsteadily over to the storage room. Rory only got a glimpse of the back of his head-but she could pick him out of a crowd of 1000. It was Jess.  
  
"So, Luke, I got the mustard and ketchup and the meat but the rest of it I couldn't find." He said as he walked behind the counter to get some hot chocolate. He didn't even look up... "But what else is new-" he dropped his cup and it shattered when it hit the ground as he saw Rory staring at him. He all of a sudden felt 17 again-Rory at the counter while he was standing behind it getting ready to take her order-but he quickly snapped out of it. "Um hi...Rory. You're here."  
  
"Yes...yes I am." He seemed sad to her. He had remembered a certain something that had made him sad.  
  
"Well I have to get going to get something...um i'll be back later. Bye." And he left as quickly as he could.  
  
"So what's wrong with him?"  
  
"I think you should probably ask him that, Rory." She turned her head and watched him walk away-he was heading to the bridge.....she stood up and began to follow.  
  
BRIDGE  
  
"Hey." He said without even looking up.  
  
"Jess, what's wrong?"  
  
"Nuthing."  
  
"Jess...." She said warningly.  
  
"I...."  
  
"Where's Tammie?"  
  
"She's not here....in fact she'll probably never come here again....because...we...um aren't together...anymore." Rory always thought she would feel happy if this moment were to come...but she didn't. She felt sad....Jess was hurting and that made her hurt. Now she knew how Jess felt when she had been hurting and that lasted for years. "We got divorced...it becomes official tomorrow. She's been having an affair....ever since we started dating..."  
  
"I'm so sorry, Jess." He let out a bitter laugh.  
  
"No you're not. Don't lie to me Rory Gilmore."  
  
"Jess. I actually am being serious. I truly am sorry."  
  
"Yeah, well thanks." He smirked up and her and slowly stood up. "So I heard you have a beach house out in California."  
  
"So?"  
  
"Is it true?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
"Cool....so you comming to the Christmas party at Luke's tonight?"  
  
"Of course!"  
  
LATER THAT NIGHT  
  
Rory arrived at the party and her eyes immediately scanned the crowd for Jess....he was nowhere in sight....she did see Lane, but she was with Dave....she got some food and ate. She talked with old friends and never once did she see Jess. She walked outside and went for a walk in the woods over by the bridge. She kept hearing things behind her and she was starting to get a little freaked out. As she turned around to go back she felt warm breath on her neck. She let out a squeal and started to run but whatever had been behind her, tackled her to the ground. "Get away from me!" She yelled, but when she was turned over on her back, the moonlight revealed none other than Jess.  
  
"Hello, me lady. What is thou doing in the middle of these woods on such a fine evening such as this." She looked at him strangely.  
  
"There's something wrong with you"  
  
"No no. I'm just kidding." He said normally. "But seriously, what ARE you doing out here."  
  
"Well I just got kinda bored at the party."  
  
"Welcome to my world."  
  
"But I didn't see you in there at all."  
  
"Exactly." They both began to laugh.  
  
"Jess..." She said calming down a little. "I love you." He immediately stopped laughing.  
  
"Say what?"  
  
"I...love you."  
  
"Yeah that's what I thought you said....." She got a little worried with this response.  
  
"Oh...."  
  
"And that's really great because I love you too." She looked up at him and smiled.  
  
"Are you serious?"  
  
"Are you kidding!?!" They both started to laugh again....and when they had both stopped laughing...they looked up and realized that they were standing very close to one another. Jess grabbed Rory's face in both hands and pulled her in for a kiss. The kiss was full of passion and love. Rory hadn't felt this loved in such a long time and made her so incredibly happy.  
  
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A/N: Ok I know you guys hate me for waiting such a long time to update but my life has been complete havoc and I feel completely horrible for waiting so long to update! So if you will please forgive me that would make me feel a whole lot better! But anywho! I'm trying to decide if I should just end this here or try and wrap it up a bit more...please tell me what you think!! Please review and tell me!!! 


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